Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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