This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want to have your abortion
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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