Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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