I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
