He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
