i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
