Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
