I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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