I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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