my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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