Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
