bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
soo... how was my night?
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