I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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