I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize