u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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