Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
