My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
