remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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