So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
