I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
