Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's get the cat blown out
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
