i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
