We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
