So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
