so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
