he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
