If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
