FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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