If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
