You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
