Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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