I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
