did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize