you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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