If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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