Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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