I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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