I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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