So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
