I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
