She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
