I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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