The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
