I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
