Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize