I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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