oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
