I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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