So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
