No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
