Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
