it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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