hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
