okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
