Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
