just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize