I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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