At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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