There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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