I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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