dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
