After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
