I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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