Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
