Barsexuality is the new black.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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