New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
