He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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