dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
