This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
