i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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